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you know what I can't, tell the difference between?
what's real or a dream, am I really me?
When I face the mirror and, open my eyes, I can't really see
My vision is blurred, and can't make sense of anything.
Even with these glasses on, I don't recognize my own face.
Feelin like i'm runnin nowhere, always stuck in the same place.
I don't wanna deal with the things goin’ on in my own brain.
Open up the cupboard, magic orange bottle to numb the pain.
Do you know what i'm sayin?
Do you know what i'm sayin?
I'll just sit and talk to myself, I'm my only friend
I'll smile at you cuz you're here, but know it's all pretend
Going home to write this letter, these words must be penned
With pills, bottles, razors, don't care, want this shit to end
Give me just a minute
I'm trying to forget
What it's like to feel
Stop being something real
I don't wanna be real
Don't know how to feel
And don't think I can deal
you know what I can't, tell the difference between?
what's real or a dream, and when I open my eyes, all the things that I see, seem to point to the fact, that i'm not really me.
So i'll stay right here, while I stare at my palms, try to keep my head clear, gotta try to stay calm. I try to ignore it, and say i'm alright, but i'm fuckin tired, got no will to fight.
I don't really know, what it is that I'm doin’, I think i'm in danger, that i'm already losin’. Not losin’ a race, but tack of the time, that i'm out of my head, that i'm losin my mind.
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Tongues should be red
Blood isn't blue
My brain is gray
And it's all I can do to keep from screaming at you
The problem with life, is that we all have a choice
So I'll put my head down, and keep silent my voice
I hate what I'm seeing, but I'm helpless right now
I struggle to understand, this feeling of how
Everything.
Everything’s fucked up, and it's somehow all my fault
Taking a dirt nap, now that seems like a good time
But instead, I'll just get high.
Get high, sit next to you and pretend I'm alright
Alright with the same shit day after day, no end in sight
No real other way
Alright with this feeling of suffocating on my own breath
Pretending I'm hearing when really I'm deaf
Deaf to the problems and issues at hand
I don't want to sit by but I can't really stand up for anything, or anyone, or anywhere
Because doing that, that would imply that I care
And I don't, or I can’t, take your pick, it won't make a difference
I'd rather stay numb than deal with this shit
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You think, if I try really hard I might be
The person you want me to be
If you look deep inside you might see
I've got nothin’ left.
went to, the doctor the other day
The test results are in
They say that I'm a-ok
Then why do I feel like this?
That I'm alone
That there's nothin’
left,
For me,
in this world
that can cover
the feeling
of emptiness
that keeps growing
like that cancer,
it's growing
and growing
it's growing
and growing
It's Growing
And Growing
ITS GROWING
AND GROWING
ITS GROWING
AND GROWING
ITS GROWING
ITS GROWING
ITS GROWING
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I guess you could say
I'm struggling with a
Distinct lack
of a desire to keep on living
which puts my mind
in a constant state of conflict
and I have no idea what to do about it
cuz my brain is saying I need to keep going
while my gut disagrees and tells me to end it all
there's no earthly way of knowing
Which direction I am going
The shades are pulled, there's no light showing
the danger here it, must be growing
that indicator light is showing
that my heartbeat, it is slowing
the fires of hell, are they glowing?
I hope the reaper's easy going.
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